Researchers have found that as early as age 3, children pick up terms of racial prejudice automatically without really understanding their significance.
Though it is unintentional, the evening news, television shows, books and casual conversations can use photos to send subtle messages that some groups are prettier (blondes), smarter (Asian), mobsters (Italians) or more likely to be members of gangs (African Americans and Hispanics).
Several years ago, I was speaking to a group in Dallas when a European-American woman stood up and shared a conversation she’d had with her pre-teen son. He loved watching basketball games. One day, he turned to her and asked, “Mommy, can white people become basketball players?” He based that question on the fact that most of his favorite players were black.
“I was shocked,” the mother said. “I didn’t know what to say to him.”
As America marches toward inclusion, parents are on the frontlines. They need to gain confidence in having difficult conversations with their children.
A CNN probe conducted last year found that white children who looked at a black doll sensed it was bad in some way. Findings also showed that black children tended to reflect preferences for the white doll.
What do we say to a child who is preoccupied with race or skin color? Here’s a trick of the trade: Use a non-racial situation to help the child fully understand race consciousness. Take the emotion, fear and shame out of the dialog in an effort to help children grasp the consequences of prejudice and biases.
Walk through any neighborhood, and most of us can easily distinguish the cat households from the dog households. In some cases, families have both dogs and cats. Instead of talking about Muslims and Jews, or blacks and whites, or men and women, talk about cats and dogs.
First round of questions:
Which do you prefer, dogs or cats? Why?
Second stage: Why is it hard for cat lovers and dog lovers to get along? Why might dog lovers be less tolerant of cats? Why might cat lovers be less tolerant of dogs?
Third stage: What if we held an election to decide whether cat owners or dog owners got to make all the rules? What rules would cat owners make? How about dog owners? If cat owners were in charge, would they make rules that help dog owners? If dog owners were in charge, would they make rules that helped cat owners? Why or why not?
Stage four: Some people have dogs and cats? What if we elected them to make the rules? Do you think they might make rules that help dogs and cats? Could they make rules that are fair to people who don’t have pets?
Stage five: Inclusion is developing a world that values dogs and cats. How do you protect the rights of both dog lovers and cat lovers? What can you do to make sure no group calls all the shots? Do you see benefits to having a community where dogs and cats live together, peacefully?
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