Somebody's Just Called You A Nigger, Now What?

 

I try to protect my sweet dog, Gabby, from danger and she does the same for me. The other day she gave two young men walking toward us such an evil glance that one of them stopped and said, “Wow, she really protects you!”

As careful as we are, no one can sidestep trouble all the time.  It finds me and taps me on the shoulder far too often. While walking in Midtown Memphis Friday night Gabby and I sauntered past a sidewalk café where patrons were enjoying dinner. “Look at that nigger with the dog,” a young man said clearly and brashly to his female companion.

My first thoughts were of Gabby. If I got upset, what would Gabby do? After walking a half block, I turned around so I stood facing the young man. Our eyes met for a few, very uncomfortable moments before he turned away and began to stare at the bank parking lot behind him. (Parking lots are a much under-used conversation for date nights, don’t you think?)

I continued to stand and stare without uttering a word. If I had had my camera with me, I would have taken his photo and posted it on my blog along with this article.  (I now suspect that is exactly what the young man feared.)

Gabby, meanwhile, was happily sniffing a flowerbed, without any idea of the drama around her. “Come Gabby,” let’s go home,” I said. We enjoyed the stroll home, as we were the couple that stood tall, not the one who blinked.

Now, I’m not going to launch into a debate about free speech or racism. That’s not my point, at least not today.  Rather, I’d like to offer that young man a motherly warning.

Next time you decide to show off while at dinner, the target of your insults may have a camera and you might find your photo plastered over the Internet and discussed as widely as scandal-plagued New York Rep. Anthony Weiner and his shorts.

Even Gabby knows the rule that governs in this case: “If you want delicious treats in life, then you had better learn how to behave out in public.”

Comments

[Dena Marks Sokolow]

Linda: I'm so sorry this happened to you. Your response, as always, was amazing, and I know you sent a message to that young man that he heard loud and clear... even though you didn't speak a word. I hope you never encounter him again, or if you do, he apologizes to you!

[Linda]

Thanks Dena. There is an interesting story today in the New York Times about American students' poor performance on a recent exam assessing their understanding of American history. (Diane Ravitch, an education historian who was invited by the national assessment’s governing board to review the results, said she was particularly disturbed by the fact that only 2 percent of 12th graders correctly answered a question concerning Brown v. Board of Education, which she called “very likely the most important decision” of the United States Supreme Court in the past seven decades.)
One might wonder if this weakness is contributing to the rise in racist rhetoric and hate groups. I have received emails from some very intelligent young people stating "it is not fair that shop owners can not refuse service to customers because of their sex, religion or race." They don't see anything wrong with it.

[Jazz]

YES! Yes, Linda, you did the right thing, and you "won".

I wish you had a camera, I wish you had taken his picture, and posted it all over the 'net, all over Memphis, all over everywhere! I want his boss, his parents, his preacher, his friends, neighbors and co-workers to see it, and know what he did.

I'm not one to advocate shaming as a punishment, but this might fall under the Community Protection Act, or something.

We all need protection from him!

[michael]

I am sorry that happened to you, and believe me, that man does not represent all white people's feelings. I am a white man living in Memphis. I face this every day coming from both sides. I have witnessed, and at times, even participated in racial harassment directed toward black people and on almost a daily basis am the victim of racial harassment, or discrimination, directed at me from black people. To suggest that one side is more culpable than the other is wrong. I would love to see this type of behavior come to a stop and it is going to take people from all sides working together. I frequently hear black people criticizing the racist behavior of white people, but not other black peoples racist behavior. I put forth great effort now to treat all people equally and whenever I hear a white person say anything inappropriate about someone because of their skin color, I step up and tell them how stupid they are being.

[Linda]

Michael,

Thanks so much for your insightful comments. Your honesty and sincerity make a powerful combination. Bad behavior is found in every ethnic group, racial group and faith community. That said, it is human nature to focus more at the missiles aimed at us or our family. (That doesn't mean it's right but that is what we do.)
My regular readers know I hold all cultural and reigious groups accountable. No one gets a free pass, not on this blog.
Thank you for CHOOSING TO BE an upstander in your community - rather than a bystander.
Each of us must challenge the biases in our own cultural community. These are the people who love us and with whom we have the greatest credibility.
If I hear a insult hurled at a European American, I will stand up for you.
That, my friend, is the beginning of progress.

[Angela]

Ignorance is overrated. The child clearly has no sense of self and deserve no less then what he got, a stare of disdain or confusion leaving him and his mind to ponder what he had not only done but witnessed. When one acts from and out of ignorance and hate they long for a negative reaction, when they get the opposite or nothing in return enough the lesson taught showing those are his own issues by at some point be learned. We must remember not to take on every hatred nonsensical act it just isnt worth our effort. Sometimes nothing works better then a negative something.

[Katherine Swarts]

Building on Michael's point, have you ever published a column on prejudice as directed toward majority or once-majority groups? Many WASPs these days feel they are expected to spend their lives paying for the sins of their ancestors, that they are automatically assumed to be wrong in any dispute with a minority and are labeled intolerant bigots if they ever dare contradict a minority, however reasonably they try to present their arguments.

(I would add that I've read the complaints of groups from all across the spectrum, and there seems to be one thing they all have in common: they're firmly convinced that their most dangerous opponents wield all the real power in media, politics, and general public opinion. Which is probably one expression of the false but almost universal idea that our inalienable rights include freedom from even the slightest form of discomfort--or perhaps the idea that our views are so obviously correct that only those blinded by bigotry would ever consent to give free air to an opponent's side.)

[Linda]

Katherine: Hello, always good to hear from you. We have addressed reverse discrimination many times on this blog. In fact, for much of last year, we had a conservative white male who served as our Cultural IQ co-host for awhile. I thought you might be interested in the article I wrote for the Tri-State Defender, which is an African American-owned newspaper.
http://theculturalcoach.typepad.com/cultural_iq/2011/06/whites-feel-they-face-discrimination-but-who-fights-for-them.html

[Jim Cracker]

You were called a nigger because you are one.

[Linda Wallace]

Jim Cracker:
My dog, Gabby, is so kind and wise. I thought you might like to read what she wrote about this incident in our upcoming book," Lessons from the Dog Park."

"When Linda talks of discrimination, I nod. I know it hurts to be teased and ridiculed. The neighbors' cats sometimes stick their tongues out at me. I make certain strangers passing by us on walks respect Linda. That’s my job. I’m looking out for me, however, as much as for her.
When Linda feels sad, you see, I get far fewer walks. For a dog, there is no greater tragedy. People don’t consider that when they discriminate against humans, they also hurt their pets.
One gorgeous summer’s eve, Linda and I are walking by a restaurant when I hear this man say loudly to a pretty woman, “Look at the nigger and her dog.” I look around so I could see the nigger. I didn’t see anything out of the ordinary. Linda’s face looks as white as a sheet. All the brown color had drained out of it.
As we pass the restaurant, Linda is unusually quiet. Her hazel eyes are focused on the man. She seems upset, but mostly, just gloomy like a cloudy day. As I check the ground for bugs that may be plotting covert attacks, she stands still, watching him. I wish I knew what was going through her mind. I look up to see if this is my chance to attack a bad person but she tells me to sit.
The young man now has a guilty look on his face. He notices that Linda and I are watching him. He tries to hide by turning his face away. In the days that followed, Linda’s big smile and happy voice took a vacation and didn’t come back for a while.
If I ever see that man again, I’m going tell his dog what he did."

[Linda Wallace]

Jim,

You seem to think that you have the power to hurt people with your language and words. You don't. Your words are powerless around me. Gabby asked me to tell you, "Wuff. Wuff." That goes for me too.