Cultural IQ

Quick Tips for Getting Through Those Holidays

• Care about all humans on the planet, not just those who look like you.
• Learn to accept opposing viewpoints. It was the best of times; it was the worst of times. Both can be true at the same time.
• Take one action each day to make outsiders feel included and welcomed.
• Treat others as they wish to be treated, not as we would have them treat us.
• Surround yourself with lifelong learners, not folks who are stuck in their own views and unable to move forward.
• Always challenge your own biases and beliefs before you work on helping others with theirs. Biases are like crumbs swept under the kitchen table. People aren't going to accept housekeeping advice from you if your crumbs are distracting them.

The Cultural Coach: Have some free speech for the holidays!

 

 

Remember, there’s the good stuff, and the stuff that leaves an awful taste

 

Free speech is a little like free coffee. What you get doesn’t always go down well. It can make you sick or make the day richer, and smoother. Basically, it depends upon where it comes from and how talented the brewer happens to be.

What the world truly needs this holiday season are more thoughtful, loving people able to brew a cup of kindness that goes down well.

So let’s work together to give each other a special holiday gift – not by censoring free speech or banning demeaning talk – but rather by raising the bars of excellence and conduct in our communities.

Resolve to use well-considered words and  inspirational speech long, loud and often.  Remember that Grinches come in all races, creeds and colors. Hold the folks that look like you and the folks you really like to high standards. When we don’t, they lose valuable opportunities for growth.

Here’s my recipe for making the holiday stuff people clamor for:

Keep the gift of patience around. Americans will celebrate a variety of holidays: Christmas, Kwanzaa and Hanukkah, for instance. Expect people to say things you wish they had not said. Remember, it is often our response to them that determines how quickly they move toward a land of inclusion. Let’s be tolerate and forgiving. You don’t learn how to make a great cup of coffee by having people yell at you. You need someone better to show you how.

Treat others as they wish to be treated, not as we would have them treat us. We may feel an occasional urge to kiss a stranger beneath the mistletoe but I wouldn’t do that without asking permission first. . A civil society asks that its citizens honor all neighbors.  Each person deserves to be treated and greeted in a manner that makes them feel welcome and at ease. After all, the best way to promote one’s faith is to show how much it does to strengthen those who come in contact with it. If you are using faith to belittle others, your message is leaving an awful taste.

Foster a culture of learning: Read a book with family, friends or neighbors. Watch a show that leads to mutual understanding and cultural and religious breakthroughs.  Spend time discussing ways your family and your community can resolve conflicts, avoid violence, and prepare to go globally.  Consider celebrating the spirit of the holidays by attending a religious service of another faith community. If possible, go with a friend. Going to a new church is the cheapest, safest cultural fellowship available to us.

Challenge your own biases and beliefs. Take time to gather research and facts that do not support your current political, cultural or religious beliefs. Read the material several times during a 30-day period.  Then, explain the research and the new evidence to a good friend in a convincing manner. When you speak, take the temperature of your own conversations. Once you show that you make a really outstanding cup of coffee, others will seek you out.

Finally, when friends and families visit,  bring out the good stuff (free speech and great coffee), that is.  Once more Americans acquire a taste for the finer things, there is no going back.

Can Dogs Teach Their Humans New Tricks?

 

 

People come into our lives to teach important lessons and, if we are lucky, so will a dog.

Our furry friends can show us how to love unconditionally, get through to those who speak new languages and understand how to become a better friend and neighbor.

My late dog, Gabby, was a master teacher. Among the crucial lessons she left behind:  When people talk, tilt your head to one side and listen. Always jump up and down when friends arrive. Use gestures and words that your intended audience can embrace and understand. Fight fair. Show empathy even when you really don’t have a clue as to what’s really going on. Forgive the people who yell at you. When under attack, roll over on your back and wiggle your legs until somebody comes up with a better plan. Color and size don’t matter when it comes to choosing friends. When new dogs arrive at the park, sniff and growl all you want but let them in. The park doesn’t belong to you.

Though I facilitated diversity workshops for many years, Gabby provided more powerful lessons than any book or workshop ever could. In fact, over the years, her responses to our challenges generated the most thoughtful and meaningful conversations at my workshops.

Gabby had a knack for making dispirited strangers, and other dogs, feel special. It wasn’t always that way. When we first became a newly committed couple, she was stubborn, willful and even a little mean. Chow Chows are known to have a real attitude.

In the beginning, during walks, Gabby lunged at other dogs and babies in strollers, she buried my things in the back yard, took the food from her bowl and spread it around the kitchen, and tugged on the leash so hard I fell over. I was looking for a dog that would go fetch the morning paper and help me to meet cute guys. What I got was Gabby, a dog that wanted to be in charge.

I considered taking her back to the shelter.  But something inside of me kept telling me to try one more time. One day, I realized that she craved praise, more than treats or anything else I was using to motivate her.  The more I fussed at her, the more desperate and angry she became.

It dawned on me that instead of correcting her bad behaviors, I should begin each walk with praise. I’d say: “Hey, Gabby do the good dog walk today. You are so smart. I know you can do it.”

Corporate managers are taught in Management 101 to understand the importance of catching workers getting it right. Yet, when it comes to diversity, CEOs and diversity advocates often do just the exact opposite. We catch the people making mistakes, then punish and embarrass them.

 What if I had done that to my dog?

How much time do we currently invest trying to identify the people within organizations who understand diversity the best, and are leveraging it to get top sales, create innovative products and generate the most website clicks? What if, rather than ganging up on those who are stubborn, willful and dug in like Gabby, we identify the doctors, lawyers, police officers, politicians, and journalists getting it right, and we begin to probe their techniques and strategies,  and share their insights.  We yell it from the roof tops and put it on the front pages and evening news.

This, I know: You can’t master core cultural competencies during a series of two-hour diversity workshops. An article in the Harvard Review on Why Diversity Programs Fail, suggests the positive effects of diversity training rarely last beyond a day or two, and a number of studies suggest that it can activate bias or spark a backlash.

We humans, and our dogs, develop advanced cultural expertise by taking in the cues we receive from strangers, making mistakes, and then figuring out how to do better.

Making mistakes is a crucial part of the growth process. Ask any dog.

So let’s afford our fellowman the same dignity we give our pets. Let’s use our “good dog” tone when discussing diversity issues instead of trying to jockey for position or lifting ourselves by demeaning others. Let’s use words and concepts that a skeptical audience, or dog, might hear instead of language like “wokeness” and “racial reckoning” that terrify the very folks we seek to reach.

Experience has taught me that we can advance diversity and inclusion much faster by catching culturally competent people in the act, and then explaining why and how they have succeeded. Give them an extra day off. Award them a bonus. Send hand-written notes of encouragement. Elect them to Congress or as Mayor.

As for those in our families and among our friends who lag behind? Well, I recommend that we tilt our heads to the side and listen, before we speak.

That’s what my Gabby would do.