Listening to the Compassionate Conservatives

 

A few decades ago, an email arrived from a good and decent man who asked a simple question: Why are Black People in my workplace so angry?

The man who sent that email eventually would become one of my greatest diversity teachers.

A conservative, my friend Lance saw the world through a starkly different lens. I emphasized societal barriers and injustice.  Lance thought more often about self-reliance and values like hard work and self-determination. I  held the community accountable for helping the less fortunate and eliminating social barriers.  Lance wanted to support people in rising from within.

Though we were miles apart on our politics, we wanted the same thing: A more loving, compassionate world.

 As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ Latter-Day Saints, Lance had felt the sting of prejudice and bigotry. When I wrote my column the Cultural Coach, he emailed me weekly about the articles and my experiences.  He approached diversity as one might approach a research paper: Why don't I know? What must I understand? He took time to explain why I lost him when I made specific arguments.  

Eventually, Lance and I began to work together and from time to time he posted articles on my blog. We recognized that we were opposite sides of the colorful American fabric.

My friend and advisor, Lance, passed away last year.  He contributed as much to my diversity growth as anyone else in my life.  He showed me that not all conservatives are racist, and many of them actually do want a world where everyone can succeed. 

Passing along some words of wisdom about promoting diversity from Lance.  We could have listened...

What If I:

• Focus more on what changes I need to make rather than on what changes I think others need to make.

• Commit to making no demand of others that I do not demand of myself, and lead by example.

• State more of what I am in favor of rather than what I am against – build up rather than tear down.

• Recognize that extremists do not represent the whole.

• Focus on providing solutions rather than on pointing fingers of blame.

• Focus more on building common ground rather than highlighting differences.

• Ask for clarifications rather than making emotional assumptions.

• Praise  my rivals when they do something I agree with rather than only criticizing.

• Make  counter arguments that are rational and respectful rather than emotional and ridiculing.

• Assume that everyone has a reason behind their beliefs and seek to understand those reasons.

 

 

Comments

[Bill Madway]

What a wonderful tribute to your friend and advisor, Linda. It's so encouraging to read the effect you had on each other's lives and outlook. And the words of wisdom you shared at the end are absolutely priceless. I noticed that there are 10 of them. Perhaps they should be know as the "Ten Commandments of Harmony." I'm going to bookmark them and refer to them often.

Thanks for sharing this remarkable story.

[Linda]

Thanks, Bill. I really miss my friend, Lance. I love your title: The Ten Commandments of Harmony.
Let's keep Lance's legacy alive by sharing them.