Cultural IQ

The Danger Of a Single Story

There is danger in telling a single story.

 

On a walk a few years ago, my dog Gabby was attacked by a much larger dog.

Your instinct is to do whatever you can to protect a loved one. I tried to get inbetween Gabby and the much larger dog.  The doggie commands I had learned in dog obedience school were not working. 

During the struggle, I fell to the ground, and Gabby fell on top of me. The dog was biting her as she lay on top, protecting me from attack. I'll never forget the look of love I saw in Gabby's eyes at that moment.

 We were fortunate because a friend of the dog's owner was able to gain control of the dog. The owner, who was also my neighbor, drove us to the animal hospital so Gabby could have surgery. And he waited by my side until we got the news she would be OK.

I later learned my neighbor's wife had just died. He had spent that morning cleaning out her closets. The dog that attacked had belonged to her, and the animal was grieving her loss. The husband was a  novice who couldn't yet read or understand doggie behaviors. 

There is a danger in telling a single story. If I had only told you that my dog had been attacked, you might have taken a very different view of this incident. 

 As we collect more and more pieces of the puzzle, truth emerges.

Healing the Divide

In 2021, Kirk Waldroff wrote an excellent article for the American Psychological Association that pulls the political divide apart at the seams to better understand what's underneath.

I'll start with the good news: psychological science suggests that it is both possible and imperative for members of society to find common ground.

"To decrease the political divide, we must understand the various factors that work to divide us," Waldroff writes. "One thing we can do right now as individuals is pause and consider our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors and identify the psychological factors at play. The ability to place our own behaviors and the behaviors of others into a psychological framework can allow us to reflect on what we are experiencing and help us to understand and shape our actions."

He interviewed Kirk Schneider, PhD, adjunct faculty at Saybrook University in California and Teachers College at Columbia University. “Existential fear appears to be at the heart of what drives polarization," Schneider explains.

“One reason we tend to become fixated and polarized is because of individual and collective trauma that associates with a profound sense of insignificance,” says Schneider. In this state, people may feel that they don’t matter and fear “ultimately being wiped away or extinguished,” he adds. (The polarized mind: Why it’s killing us and what we can do about it, 2013, University Professors Press).

Tania Israel, PhD, professor of counseling psychology at the University of California, Santa Barbara, and author of Beyond Your Bubble, a book about connecting across the political divide added: “Most people are not on the extremes of any of these issues, but most of what we hear is from people who are more on the extremes.” (More in Common, 2018; More in Common, 2019 )

Read the article: https://www.apa.org/monitor/2021/01/healing-political-divide

 

Are We Our Brother’s Keeper?

 

Years ago, I answered the front door in Memphis, TN. to find two young African American kids standing near their push lawnmower. They were going around the predominately white neighborhood asking people if they had any work for them.

As I spoke with them, I learned that they had walked a long distance from their home on a very hot day. Though they had knocked on doors for several hours, they didn’t have a single dollar to show for their grit and determination.

Like many of our neighbors, we, too, had recently cut our front lawn. After seeing the disappointment in their eyes, I understood I could not send them away emptyhanded. They were doing exactly what society asked them to do – making an effort to earn money legally.

I gave the boys $20, not a handout but rather an investment in their business. My hope was they would continue to find the encouragement needed to remain on this path to entrepreneurship.

I’ve lived in both affluent and lower working-class neighborhoods – by choice. Anyone has done so is well aware of the privilege that comes with life lived in a wealthy zip code.

When you are poor or working class, other people often look down on you, and that can harden you and deepen frustration and resentment. I often felt that societal sting when I lived in a working class neighborhood in Upper Darby.  Our broken mail boxes in our apartment complex at times were left wide open - exposing our mail, as well as private financial information. Drug dealers hung out in the stairwells. Our complex sent out a letter telling us that selling drugs was a violation of the lease. However, if we saw such encounters, we should call the police -- not them.  One day,  I called 911 to report a gunman chasing another youth - and firing shots at him.  An officer arrives 15 minutes later to pick up the bullet casings from the street. No sirens. No canvassing. I never found out what happened to that boy being chased. But if his family feels outrage, I would certainly understand why.

We are each part of the problem because we looked the other way as this situation developed. Rather than confine ourselves to donating to charities providing temporary relief and assistance, we need to take intentional actions each day that break the cycle of violence and keep youth on the right track.

When they show up unexpectedly at our front door, we have to let them into our lives. We need to be part of the solution. That may mean:

Being willing to come back into the office to help increase pedestrian traffic in hotspots. 

Helping out people in trouble. One night, I got off the subway stop at the wrong location. As I was walking home, a young man approached and told me he would walk behind me until I reached my destination. "I won't come up to where you are because I don't want to scare you," he said. I thanked him after I got home.  He replied, "I hope someone would do the same for my mother or sisters." He was my guardian that day.  Isn't it better to prevent crime rather than invest in  new jails?

Being mindful of the assumptions we make about people who don't look like us or live in our neighborhood. 

During the presidential election of 2020, my dog Gabby wore this sign in front the polling place. There had been reports that our precinct might be targeted by groups wishing to intimidate Black voters. Believe me when I say my dog did not want to stand in line with me for two hours while I voted, but she did. She provided much-needed comic relief and protection. When I went inside to vote, people waiting in line took turns watching over her.

That is what a community does - neighbors look out for each other.

 

 

Airing Differences In a Heated Time of Debate

Some of the most crucial conversations may occur between perfect strangers who meet online, at coffee shops, on playgrounds or at neighborhood meetings. These discussions often arise unexpectedly, in very casual ways.

The better prepared we are for these chance encounters, the more successful we will be in getting across our viewpoints. After all, people are more likely to listen to friendly and knowledgeable cultural ambassadors.

Successful dialogues require patience, a sympathetic heart and good communication skills. Competent cultural facilitators allow others to explain their beliefs and ideas. They ask thoughtful questions. They use civil voices to express outrage. They also practice self-control.

When we begin making nasty or offensive comments, however, we notify others that we aren't yet ready for primetime dialogues.

Below I've outlined a few techniques that allow us to effectively air differences and persuade our opponents.

• Choose our words carefully.
Language is a currency that can be used to build or to demolish relationships. Use words to lay a strong foundation. Talk in a way that promotes healing and honest conversations. Respect, understanding, common ground and empathy are words  and themes that help inquiring minds stay open. Destruction, divisiveness, evil and hate are words that separate us and lead listeners to pick sides. Communicate in a manner that leads to productive results.

• Explain what we stand for.
We can win more friends and arguments by explaining what we stand for, rather than by talking about the things we oppose. Examples: We should not say that we are against racism; instead, tell others that we seek a nation where all people can excel. Don't say we are against religious discrimination; instead, say we value freedom. Don't say we are against the use of such cultural names as African-American; instead, say we are for a cohesive nation where all communities feel they are Americans.

• Practice the art of inquiry.
Ask thoughtful questions calmly. If we are trying to win the argument, then we aren't really listening — are we? So put aside all thoughts of victory. When we truly listen to opposing views, we show that we care about the issues. When people know we care about them, they listen to us.

• Invest our time well.
Don't spend a lot of time trying to change people who haven't altered a major position or opinion in 20 years. Instead, identify open-minded folks who continuously look for challenges. To advance racial, cultural and religious dialogues, we need skilled facilitators who can push us to grow. Whenever possible, participate in conversations that encourage self-reflection.

• Walk our talk.
Identify our own issues and fix them. Next, share our spectacular strategies with others. Instead of voicing constant complaints about other people or groups, let us count all the ways we are making life better for them. People who continuously blame outsiders for problems within their cultural group lack the credibility needed to influence others.

• Focus on our group first.
Diversity movements get stuck because cultural communities frequently strive to fix other groups before focusing on their own weaknesses. Some black people think white Americans need to change. Some white Americans think Latinos should change. Christians ask Muslims to change and vice versa. Cultural leaders should focus on changing behaviors among their own group's members.

• Perform cultural audits.
Members of diverse societies must upgrade their skills sets. We need new maneuvers for our playbooks. Cultural audits enable us to determine when our actions are inconsistent with our words or intentions. Audits expose our hidden biases.

Dear Texas: Diversity Isn't Going Anywhere

 

 Somewhere along its winding journey, diversity got a bad reputation. It began when folks began to equate diversity with problems, rather than solutions: Be careful what you say because people might get offended. Don’t tell people how you truly feel because it will make them mad.  Hire diverse employees so you don’t get into trouble.

The smart companies and insightful people never took this detour down frustration lane. Rather the healthcare companies and medical profession moved over to a street called cultural competence, which is a skill set that enables you to work effectively across racial, religious, and generational fault lines.

When we lack cultural competence, we might look at the situation unfolding in Gaza and decide either 1) Israel is completely wrong or 2) the Palestinians are completely wrong.  As is true with most controversies, neither side owns right or wrong. You need to understand and acknowledge all viewpoints to find answers - no matter how much you hurt. 

Most of us, however, see only what we want to see, and hear only what we want to hear.

A newspaper without diversity on staff will not understand the cultural nuisances in its communities well enough to explain local issues.  A marketing department without diversity cannot develop advertisements that resonate with stakeholders who see the world differently. A group of problem solvers will not be able to delve deep enough into assumptions and beliefs to find solutions and compromises.

When elected officials shut down diversity programs, as they have done in Texas, we have to wonder. I can understand shutting down programs that promote one cultural group or a specific set of beliefs over another. I am against discrimination, and believe we all need to understand the cultures of whites, African Americans, Latinos and Asian Americans. If Blacks can celebrate their heritage, European Americans should be able to tell us about their ancestors and customs too.

When you threaten to take diversity out of the equation,  however, you are endangering your future. The diversity will continue but it will move forward unmanaged, and without leadership.

In environments lacking diversity, you shut down your capacity to find the best solution, identify compromises, and communicate your messages to the broadest audience. Texas, where is the advantage in doing that?

Be the best Texas you can be by letting each person be the best they can be. It's that simple.

 

 

 

What Comes First: Stereotypes or Bad Behaviors?

The labels people pin on you are among the worst part about getting old: Dearie, Dear, and, of course, old man or old lady.

So how might we address strangers, especially those with whom we may wish to bond or show respect? In the African American culture, young people often refer to elders by their first names. At work, more people call me, “Miss Linda” than Linda. A man would be addressed in similar fashion:  "Good morning, Mr. Donte."

On a recent flight, I sat next to a gentleman who appeared to be around my age. He appeared agitated from the moment he stepped onto the Southwest plane in St. Louis.  Later he confided that he was on his way to Las Vegas to care for his ailing 91-year-old father.  He and his brother had been taking turns caring for their dad, and he was flying into the city for his six-week stint.

Because he traveled frequently, he had to sacrifice some comforts that were important to him:  for example, pets, and a garden.

I admired him for the sacrifices he had chosen to make. 

As the long flight delay continued, and, as the plane sat on the tarmac,  my seatmate grew angrier. The pilot had told us we needed to have the wings de-iced because they had iced up during the previous leg of the flight. When my seatmate checked his phone, it showed the ground temperature outside was 41 degrees.

Obviously, he had not heard, or he had forgotten, the pilot's explanation. He began yelling in a loud voice to no one in particular : " It is 41 degrees outside. Why the delay? You don't need to de-ice planes in 41 degree weather."

 A flight attendant came over and made matters worse by asking the man if he was a pilot, and if he had his pilot’s license? “Let’s let the pilot fly the plane,” she suggested. Of course, that encounter made his madder. (Why not just repeat the pilot's explanation?)

Eventually, the flight crew kicked the guy off the plane. Afterward, passengers around me jumped on their phones to gossip: “They kicked this crazy old man off the plane,” I heard more than a few people say. Imagine how every old person on the plane felt right then. How many of those people would have said, "They kicked this crazy young guy off the plane?" 

Here’s what I saw: A stressed out man,  caring for his dad, who probably had reached the point where he needed someone to care for him. What I saw was a guy who possibly was in the early stages of dementia. One of the most common symptoms: Forgetting recently learned information i.e. the pilots explanation. Yelling things to no one in particular could be another symptom.

Are flight crews trained to tell the difference between bad behavior and dementia?

Later on, while serving drinks, the same flight attendant smiled at me sweetly and compounded her sins by asking: “What can I get you, dear?”

You see, that's the thing about stereotypes. Once our cultural shades come on and our stereotypes about people, groups or religions take hold, we have blind spots. We are far more likely to do or say the wrong thing. 

Here is my truth: Stereotyping people makes them act badly.

What comes first, the stereotype or the bad behavior?  That's a question we could ask about regions in Africa, the Middle East, and Russia- Ukraine - all ravaged by war and violence.

A Black Man Insults a White Woman On A Bus? What Should We Do?

A white colleague recently shared that she stopped riding the bus in Philadelphia after a Black rider turned around  and began ranting: “I don't like white women.”  He was looking directly into her eyes. 

Responding to racial prejudice never is easy.  I greatly admired my colleague's thoughtful reaction: As the Black man was insulting her, she was thinking to herself:  "Ok, so you don’t like white women. Then what color do you want me to be?”

She clearly understood that she was not the problem. I wish  more  of  us  felt  the  same  way.

If this conversation is making you uncomfortable, that's OK. We have not yet reached a place in America's emerging community of inclusion and belonging where everyone's pain gets discussed and everyone's wounds are healed.

When we read or view news reports on racial discrimination, most often we hear about the mistreatment of minority groups.

Only in Donald Trump's America do we regularly hear about how white Americans also can get the short end of the stick. Those complaints often are dismissed because the speakers are viewed as racist and, therefore, incapable of separating fact from fiction.

Let's be clear.  I’m not suggesting that European  Americans need societal protection because lots of people are being mean to them. 

I'm suggesting that everyone - on occasion -  encounters prejudice, perhaps its because of their body shape, neighborhood, or the fact they never went to college.

Prejudice stings no matter who we are yet some of us are not getting an opportunity to speak our truth, or have that truth acknowledged publicly.

So how should an equitable society respond when a white woman is taunted by a black man on a bus? I asked that question on Facebook and not one person commented or responded. I get it: I was afraid to post this story. I knew it wouldn't get any likes. 

It takes real courage to seek justice for every American, and not just for the people we happen to love or care about.

Our community must be able to take a stand and proclaim: "We acknowledge your pain. We regret that you were insulted. We will do better."

Somebody on that bus could have walked over and sat beside my colleague. We must all play the role of ally from time to time. 

 

 

Can the Actions of a Single Person Actually Make a Difference?

 

It is easy to become overwhelmed by the world’s many challenges. Hunger. Poverty. War. Hate.

Can the actions of a single person really make a difference?

I have seen it happen time and again. 

 We, of course, can fully commit to change. We can reach out to a young person who is discouraged, or headed down the wrong path. We can listen, and offer help and support. Or we might adopt a stray pet, work at a food bank, raise money for scholarships, etc.

There are small yet meaningful daily commitments we can make as well. The little commitments really add up. Shop at a minority-owned business weekly. Go to a public event and approach a stranger who has a different life experience monthly. Visit a new church.  Write a letter to the editor in support of fairness, compassion or inclusion.

Here are a few useful tips to help you get started:

Individuals zoom in on different aspects of the same problem when cultural, social and policy lenses differ. Issues then become gigantic puzzles.  Democrats and Republicans wear political shades and that prompt them to see and focus on different pieces of the puzzle. Conservatives tend to believe individuals are responsible for their success and actions largely determine how far individuals go.  Liberals tend to focus more on community actions and responsibilities.  If a liberal and a conservative were to debate education, the conservative might zero in on the need for greater parental support, longer hours of study, and resilience. The liberals might focus on fairness, the lack of school resources, racial discrimination and other hardships. Communities must collect and examine all pieces of the puzzle to find fixes and solutions. In other words, we need each other to get the job done. 

 It is possible to create safe spaces where individuals are free to explore their hidden biases and prejudices.  We can’t change other people. We can create safe spaces for them to listen and rethink their own beliefs and assumptions. When we tell others what to think and say, they often repeat back our words but without any real commitment to change.  This strategy maintains the status quo.

 Name-calling and nastiness detract from satisfying dialogs. The goal often is to score points, rather than educate and inform. What if our goal instead were to learn something that will help us work smarter, be a better person, and make our Republic stronger? We might ask questions like: Help me to understand your position? Can you explain how this helps me and my family? Do you seen a way to compromise? Where did you get your information from? Who is your source?

 Communities need improved communication toolkits to manage the diversity within our ranks. The country has changed dramatically yet we have not developed the intellectual capacity to handle racial, social, and religious  differences. Diversity’s principles often conflict with another key principle:  freedom of speech.  When strangers send me emails that are filled with slurs and vile language, I simply write back to them that their messages got lost – and I really did want to give them an opportunity to have their say. I ask them to try again, and to use language that helps me to understand. We all should.

If we want to improve results, we need to call more practices. Practice is something all champions do.

 Weekly challenge; Visit a place that moves you outside your comfort zone.  The first time you go, you don't need to act. Just watch, observe and listen.  Then go back a second time and start a conversation. You might visit a church of a different faith, a grocery store in a neighborhood that is quite different from yours, or a meeting by an opposing political party. 

 

 

The Conversation That Changes Everything Might Begin: How is Your Cat?

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I've begun so many difficult dialogues on race and religion by talking about my late dog, Gabby, or my cat, Kat Imani.

I shared tales of our misadventures, where I said or did something very silly, in hopes of creating a safe space. If we want to become a nation of learners, we must become comfortable examining our OWN mistakes.

Have you noticed that when cultural collisions occur, we often attack the drivers? We yell and scream. We cancel folks. We make them feel small. Afterward, we might finally get around to explaining how they could have done things differently. By then, the frustrated drivers have stopped listening.

Here's a question for the pet companions out there: "What would happen if we screamed at our pets following big mistakes?"

When they pee on the floor, jump on the couch, or growl at our best friend, we yell, scream, and throw tantrums. If we did respond with anger, rather than understanding, more pets would bite people.

Consider this: 66 percent of U.S. households (86.9 million homes) own a pet. Dogs are the most popular pets in America; 65.1 households have a dog. And 46.5 million households have a cat.

So if you are wondering why this blog is filled with stories about my dog and my cat, that's why. It gives us a way to relate to each other's experiences, and to build structured roadways across the political divides.    

What might political debate look like in America if the goal was to inform,  learn, and compromise rather than  bully others into accepting our beliefs as right? Well, the conversation that changes everything might begin something like this: How's your cat? How's your dog?

 

 

 

 

Got Racism? Find Likeable People to Lead Workplace Change!

Life doesn't always give us a chance to practice for a role before the curtain opens. We have to say yes first, and learn our lines later.

This is especially true for individuals listening, learning and leading change in their communities. Research indicates that friendliness and democratic values are useful tools for challenging racism but how often do we use them? 

 Brian Lowery, an assistant professor of organizational behavior at Stanford University Graduate School of Business, goes so far as to suggest that racial stereotypes that are subconscious may be reversible. He suggests that people may change feelings toward another ethnic group following  brief  interactions with likeable role models who promote egalitarian or democratic values.

Subconscious or hidden biases toward other racial groups often surface without our knowledge, Lowery's research suggests. While conducting word-association exercises, he found that research subjects more quickly associated the faces of African-Americans with negative words, and the faces of whites with positive words.

However, if he exposed the participants to appealing African-Americans or white Americans who displayed democratic attitudes, such as an anti-racism T-shirt, these associations or hidden biases began to shift. The groups' associations about blacks were then less negative. In an interesting twist, Lowery tried the experiment again using an unfriendly, though egalitarian, role model. This time the participants did not experience the same shift in attitudes.

What might we conclude from this fascinating research?

Well, it certainly seems to suggest that the messenger matters when it comes to delivering anti-racism messages. I have said often in this column that sarcasm and angry voices seldom persuade others to adopt our views. Instead, we need to wear our best smiles and exhibit compassionate attitudes.

We might also conclude that likable people can be effective communicators when it comes to promoting justice and inclusiveness in the workplace. CEOs contemplating new diversity initiatives should file away this fact. "When we like or identify with people, we're more likely to emulate their attitudes and behaviors," Lowery explains.

Lowery also has found that many research subjects are not aware of their own racial biases. They are often uncomfortable when confronted with results that suggest that code words may prompt them to respond negatively to a racial group. In another study, he examined the subtle effects of racial stereotypes upon the penal system. He asked Los Angeles police and probation officers to make judgments about a hypothetical adolescent of unknown race who had allegedly either shoplifted or assaulted a peer.

Some officers were subliminally exposed to words associated with African-Americans: ghetto, homeboy, dreadlocks. These messages were flashed on a rapidly flashing computer screen so that the officers took in the information subliminally. The remainder of the group did not receive this "priming."

Officers absorbing the subliminal messages attributed more negative traits and greater culpability to the hypothetical offenders, and they endorsed harsher punishments. Lowery theorizes that the racial priming beforehand may have prompted them to begin seeing a neutral situation in racial terms.

So there's a caution here, as well as a lesson.

Be mindful of the movies you watch and the people you choose as friends. Priming  affects us more than we might think. It can lead us down under into the land of bias-based decision-making.

The lesson? It is not often we think of likability as a quality required for diversity training and change leadership.  Perhaps, we should.

If you want to influence your workplace, change starts with you.

 

Photo Credit and Caption: Jellybean people at the National Liberty Museum in Philadelphia

TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR ABOUT RACISM, PLEASE!

A few weeks ago, I had cataract surgery. Thankfully, the surgery went well, but that day in the hospital was an emotional rollercoaster. I’m still mad at my eyes for making the rest of me go through this.

You see, the Philadelphia hospital unit where I was admitted as a day patient didn’t have a large African-American clientele; most of the nurses and doctors were European American. (My ophthalmologist, however, was African American. I mention this only because I make a practice of supporting medical professionals who understand my cultural beliefs, issues and needs.)

The nurses on duty struck me as ill at ease and unsure of what to say to me. As I prepped for surgery, they asked me some highly annoying questions that made me a bit anxious: Where did you buy your handbag? Is that gel polish? How much did you pay? How much did you pay for your handbag? Where did you get that necklace? And, the most awful question of the day, “Really, you like your curly hair?”

My disappointment comes from having imagined a hospital stay where I was treated like a highly intelligent, capable human being. In my mind, healthcare workers would be attentive and busy explaining what was about to happen, and offering me assurances I was in good hands, and everything would be OK. Their chitchat about the upcoming weekend jaunts to the shore would be postponed until after I left.

I am sharing this story because the next time you visit your doctor, you might not want to hold back on telling that story about the motorist who called you the “N” word or the African American who called you a honkie.

Discrimination, it appears, can adversely affect your health. That is the conclusion reached by Rice University sociologists Jenifer Bratter and Bridget Gorman in their study, “Is Discrimination an Equal Opportunity Risk? Racial Experiences, Socio-economic Status and Health Status Among Black and White Adults.”

The authors examined data containing measures of social class, race and perceived discriminatory behavior and found that approximately 18 percent of blacks and 4 percent of whites reported higher levels of emotional upset and/or physical symptoms due to race-based treatment.

“Discriminatory behavior very well may be a ‘missing link’ in the analysis of racial and ethnic health disparities,” Bratter said. “It’s important to acknowledge and study its impact on long-term health.”

Given these findings, here are a few questions cultural learners might ask:

If communities successfully reduce discrimination, might they also bring down healthcare costs?

If companies eliminate racial, religious and gender biases, might their increase workforce wellness and boost productivity?

And, let’s say there is a Presidential candidate who makes racially-charged statements that cause hurt and turmoil, should HE be asked about the economic consequences that accompany this statement or position? Should we send him the bill?

The answer to each of these questions is yes.

Unlike most of the research on this topic, Bratter and Gorman’s study examines the health risks of discrimination among both whites and blacks, as opposed to just blacks. Their analysis was based on data from the 2004 wave of the Behavioral Risk Factor Surveillance System, an ongoing collaborative project between U.S. states and territories and the U.S Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

“This racially comparative focus is important because we examine whether discrimination is equally harmful to the health status of black and white adults – or whether experiencing discrimination is disproportionately harmful to either black or white adults,” Gorman said. “For example, since, on average, black adults typically experience more health risks in their social and personal environment than white adults (including higher poverty and lower-quality medical insurance), they may be especially vulnerable to negative health effects as a result of racial discrimination.”

Both Bratter and Gorman hope that their research will raise awareness about the impact racial discrimination has on health and wellness.

“Ultimately we hope that practitioners and researchers in the medical field recognize the dual contribution of social class and interpersonal treatment in shaping health outcomes among persons of all racial populations,” Bratter said.