Cultural IQ

Healing the Divide

In 2021, Kirk Waldroff wrote an excellent article for the American Psychological Association that pulls the political divide apart at the seams to better understand what's underneath.

I'll start with the good news: psychological science suggests that it is both possible and imperative for members of society to find common ground.

"To decrease the political divide, we must understand the various factors that work to divide us," Waldroff writes. "One thing we can do right now as individuals is pause and consider our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors and identify the psychological factors at play. The ability to place our own behaviors and the behaviors of others into a psychological framework can allow us to reflect on what we are experiencing and help us to understand and shape our actions."

He interviewed Kirk Schneider, PhD, adjunct faculty at Saybrook University in California and Teachers College at Columbia University. “Existential fear appears to be at the heart of what drives polarization," Schneider explains.

“One reason we tend to become fixated and polarized is because of individual and collective trauma that associates with a profound sense of insignificance,” says Schneider. In this state, people may feel that they don’t matter and fear “ultimately being wiped away or extinguished,” he adds. (The polarized mind: Why it’s killing us and what we can do about it, 2013, University Professors Press).

Tania Israel, PhD, professor of counseling psychology at the University of California, Santa Barbara, and author of Beyond Your Bubble, a book about connecting across the political divide added: “Most people are not on the extremes of any of these issues, but most of what we hear is from people who are more on the extremes.” (More in Common, 2018; More in Common, 2019 )

Read the article: https://www.apa.org/monitor/2021/01/healing-political-divide

 

As Americans flock to see the film Civil War, anguish and silence fill the air

After watching 'Civil War' in Philadelphia yesterday, I was struck by the eerie silence and anguish on the faces of the movie goers. It was a somber moment.

The film's cautionary message was clear: a civil war is made up of many isolated battles, and Americans, whether in uniform or not, will struggle to maintain their humanity. 

The ugliest battles took place off the battlefield, not over values or principles, but in combat solely designed to determine a community's winners and losers. 

 The racial fault lines were not a part of the plot as soldiers appeared united in a shared desire to destroy and kill. 

This is an unsettling movie with an uncomfortable message: Neither extremists nor their guns can save our Republic and protect our democracy.

If we begin to hold conversations that are civil and painfully honest, it will give us a fighting chance.

Airing Differences In a Heated Time of Debate

Some of the most crucial conversations may occur between perfect strangers who meet online, at coffee shops, on playgrounds or at neighborhood meetings. These discussions often arise unexpectedly, in very casual ways.

The better prepared we are for these chance encounters, the more successful we will be in getting across our viewpoints. After all, people are more likely to listen to friendly and knowledgeable cultural ambassadors.

Successful dialogues require patience, a sympathetic heart and good communication skills. Competent cultural facilitators allow others to explain their beliefs and ideas. They ask thoughtful questions. They use civil voices to express outrage. They also practice self-control.

When we begin making nasty or offensive comments, however, we notify others that we aren't yet ready for primetime dialogues.

Below I've outlined a few techniques that allow us to effectively air differences and persuade our opponents.

• Choose our words carefully.
Language is a currency that can be used to build or to demolish relationships. Use words to lay a strong foundation. Talk in a way that promotes healing and honest conversations. Respect, understanding, common ground and empathy are words  and themes that help inquiring minds stay open. Destruction, divisiveness, evil and hate are words that separate us and lead listeners to pick sides. Communicate in a manner that leads to productive results.

• Explain what we stand for.
We can win more friends and arguments by explaining what we stand for, rather than by talking about the things we oppose. Examples: We should not say that we are against racism; instead, tell others that we seek a nation where all people can excel. Don't say we are against religious discrimination; instead, say we value freedom. Don't say we are against the use of such cultural names as African-American; instead, say we are for a cohesive nation where all communities feel they are Americans.

• Practice the art of inquiry.
Ask thoughtful questions calmly. If we are trying to win the argument, then we aren't really listening — are we? So put aside all thoughts of victory. When we truly listen to opposing views, we show that we care about the issues. When people know we care about them, they listen to us.

• Invest our time well.
Don't spend a lot of time trying to change people who haven't altered a major position or opinion in 20 years. Instead, identify open-minded folks who continuously look for challenges. To advance racial, cultural and religious dialogues, we need skilled facilitators who can push us to grow. Whenever possible, participate in conversations that encourage self-reflection.

• Walk our talk.
Identify our own issues and fix them. Next, share our spectacular strategies with others. Instead of voicing constant complaints about other people or groups, let us count all the ways we are making life better for them. People who continuously blame outsiders for problems within their cultural group lack the credibility needed to influence others.

• Focus on our group first.
Diversity movements get stuck because cultural communities frequently strive to fix other groups before focusing on their own weaknesses. Some black people think white Americans need to change. Some white Americans think Latinos should change. Christians ask Muslims to change and vice versa. Cultural leaders should focus on changing behaviors among their own group's members.

• Perform cultural audits.
Members of diverse societies must upgrade their skills sets. We need new maneuvers for our playbooks. Cultural audits enable us to determine when our actions are inconsistent with our words or intentions. Audits expose our hidden biases.

Dear Texas: Diversity Isn't Going Anywhere

 

 Somewhere along its winding journey, diversity got a bad reputation. It began when folks began to equate diversity with problems, rather than solutions: Be careful what you say because people might get offended. Don’t tell people how you truly feel because it will make them mad.  Hire diverse employees so you don’t get into trouble.

The smart companies and insightful people never took this detour down frustration lane. Rather the healthcare companies and medical profession moved over to a street called cultural competence, which is a skill set that enables you to work effectively across racial, religious, and generational fault lines.

When we lack cultural competence, we might look at the situation unfolding in Gaza and decide either 1) Israel is completely wrong or 2) the Palestinians are completely wrong.  As is true with most controversies, neither side owns right or wrong. You need to understand and acknowledge all viewpoints to find answers - no matter how much you hurt. 

Most of us, however, see only what we want to see, and hear only what we want to hear.

A newspaper without diversity on staff will not understand the cultural nuisances in its communities well enough to explain local issues.  A marketing department without diversity cannot develop advertisements that resonate with stakeholders who see the world differently. A group of problem solvers will not be able to delve deep enough into assumptions and beliefs to find solutions and compromises.

When elected officials shut down diversity programs, as they have done in Texas, we have to wonder. I can understand shutting down programs that promote one cultural group or a specific set of beliefs over another. I am against discrimination, and believe we all need to understand the cultures of whites, African Americans, Latinos and Asian Americans. If Blacks can celebrate their heritage, European Americans should be able to tell us about their ancestors and customs too.

When you threaten to take diversity out of the equation,  however, you are endangering your future. The diversity will continue but it will move forward unmanaged, and without leadership.

In environments lacking diversity, you shut down your capacity to find the best solution, identify compromises, and communicate your messages to the broadest audience. Texas, where is the advantage in doing that?

Be the best Texas you can be by letting each person be the best they can be. It's that simple.

 

 

 

Quick Tips for Getting Through Those Holidays

• Care about all humans on the planet, not just those who look like you.
• Learn to accept opposing viewpoints. It was the best of times; it was the worst of times. Both can be true at the same time.
• Take one action each day to make outsiders feel included and welcomed.
• Treat others as they wish to be treated, not as we would have them treat us.
• Surround yourself with lifelong learners, not folks who are stuck in their own views and unable to move forward.
• Always challenge your own biases and beliefs before you work on helping others with theirs. Biases are like crumbs swept under the kitchen table. People aren't going to accept housekeeping advice from you if your crumbs are distracting them.

When You Are Black, Others Sometimes Dismiss Your Strengths

 

It’s difficult to get the credit you are due when you are Black. I’m not just talking about a credit card or loan here.

Let’s say we hire a new employee - who happens to be black - ,to go out and sell our widgets in majority Black neighborhoods. They score big. Everybody is buying our stuff.

 

When it comes time for the big promotion, however, the managers select a white candidate, with a less impressive sales record to advance. Why? The Black employee has limited experience selling to whites and therefore "is not ready to handle white customers."

See how biases come into play? They don't typically ask that question of the white candidate. (Are they equipped to handle diverse  customers?)

Is it possible that the Black employee’s level of cultural competence would allow him or her to sell to anybody, not just to Black people?

Diversity is like a puzzle. The more questions we ask, the closer we get to the truth. We have to consider: What we know: (The Black employee has the better sales record.) What we don't know: (Which employee is better equipped to manage and leverage workforce and customer diversity) What we don't know we don't know:  Which skills do our managers possess that will position our company for sustainable growth?

Next time that you read a news story that states that a candidate - who happened to be Black - won because she or he had the support of Black voters, I challenge you to consider whether we are dismissing the candidates' underlying strengths in making that argument.

After all, when was the last time you read a news story stating a white candidate won because they had the support of white voters? When white candidates win,  typically we are told its because they have the better strategy, a competent campaign staff, more money, or an impressive intellect or track record. 

If you want to create a world where everyone belongs and is able to fully contribute, I would ask you to consider:

Is it possible the Black candidates win sometimes because they are the better candidate?

Is it possible a Black candidate’s specialized communications skills and level of cultural knowledge enable him/her to connect with voters in a way the white candidates can not?

Is it possible the candidates’ understanding of a particular community’s lived experiences won the voters over, rather than his/her skin color?

If we give Black leaders  the credit they are due, then we might be able to expand our community capacity to find bold, new solutions for our cities. That's  good  news  for  us  all.